The bartender says, “I’m sorry, but I can’t serve you. The ceremony wasn’t so hot, but the reception was great. Two antennae meet on the roof of a bar, fall in love, and get married at the bar. He hired midget barmaids so the drinks looked bigger. But don’t start anything.”Ī man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please. The bartender says, “Okay, I’ll serve you. You drink one and your legs fold up under you.Ī pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?ĭrunks don’t have to go to those stupid meetings.ĭid you hear about the new drink called a “card table”? Coincidence?Īs we forgive those who topple against us.Ī guy walks into a bar and grabs a stool.
What’s the worst thing about getting drunk in a bar? You’d think the second guy would have ducked. The bartender stops them: “We don’t serve food here!”
“My wife’s idea of the four basic food groups is canned, frozen, freeze-dried and carry-out.”Ī hot dog and a hamburger walk into a bar. “A hot dog and a hamburger walk into a bar…” CLASSIC ONE-LINERS If you know a knee-slapper that I’ve missed, please write to me in care of the publisher, or e-mail me at Some of these jokes are risqué. It is my hope that this book will provide a daily shot of humor and that it might even inspire you to share a joke or two that I might have missed.
#FUNNY WALKED INTO A BAR JOKES FULL#
A huge undertaking to be sure-a veritable Magnum full of yuks-categorized by type for quick and easy reference. Within these pages, I’ve endeavored to collect, compile, write, and organize the largest, funniest collection of bar jokes ever. or, at the very least, they want to share a few laughs. It seems that every denizen of every bar is looking to find solace and companionship along with their liquid refreshment they all want some relief from their hectic daily lives. They share worldly advice and recount sexual triumphs. Drinkers share tales of genies they’ve met and problems they’re having at home. People from virtually every country gather. Those who have had one too many say some pretty rude things. While writing and compiling, I came to one conclusion: A lot of funny stuff happens in bars! Inanimate objects talk. So, to put this book together, I had to do a lot of research. It’s been a while since I’ve frequented bars (“married with children” tends to have that effect, I guess). And many of the jokes I’ve heard through the years have been bar jokes. Most of them I remember, write down, and retell. Maybe it’s because I’m always trying to get laughs myself, but for some reason people frequently feel compelled to tell me jokes. “The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” Manufactured in the United States of Americaīlack Dog & Leventhal Publishers, Inc. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file at the offices of the publisher. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher. I think you would have loved this book!Īll rights reserved. To Frank “Pop” Hetlyn (1929–2002) One of the funniest guys I ever knew.
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